For my sweetheart....

This blog is totally dedicated for my darling,my sweet heart baby...my sister simu...even if she's too small to read n feel what i have written for her...i would just like to put my thoughts about her into my blog,which looked empty without her...Every one loves his or her brother sister,it just comes naturally...but its something which differs from every person to person...the love they have for their siblings...and in my case...its different too,our age gap of almost a decade,makes us share something different,something more unique and genuine...a motherly feeling comes from me to her,even when we fight like sisters sometimes too...

14th august,1998...the best day in my life when i was tagged "didu"...i got the most beautiful feeling being elderly to someone...holding a tiny sweetheart,a dollface in my hands...which will remain a dollface for me till the end...even if she grows taller to me,more refined in some years..she will still be my baby..i named her too...and thats how our love started to grow every second,every minute and every day...and will keep growing..

As i feel lucky to have her,she feels lucky to have me too,always tells me "didi,no one in my class has a sister like u" and everytime making me melt into her angelic eyes,her beautiful face..i have seen her grow,i have seen her become more naughty,even making me a scape goat many times...no wait...almost all the times,making mistakes and me covering her up too a lot many times,even ending up fighting and then sometime later holding each other in arms,smiling,looking into her innocent face and then seeing my childhood through her eyes,going together on some sprees and sharing secrets which only both of us know,teasing her sometimes,enjoying having chocolates and junk food with her,taking her studies and me ending up shouting and she crying but still later back to loving each other,standing up to her sometimes when she's irritated,writing with a left hand,trying to resemble her handwriting when she's not done with her homework, annoying me with her stupid cartoons which makes me watch them too,laughing on some stupid jokes till we cramp our stomachs,fighting on watching tv,as u can imagine what an 18 year old and an 8 year old would have in common??but that makes me fall for her everytime,making both of us love each other soo much,even something very special than a mother-daughter realationship,its something so unique,a feeling so strange that cant be put into words,but people who know me well have known me going gaga over my simu always,dunno how,but she gets into every topic just as if she's a part of me,as if she's just me of age 8,she's the one who's made me more childish,made me love her disney movies,and i have made her like my kind of stuff,so we both have a give and take relationship,growing with each other,making it beautiful

My world seems to start at her,end at her...even hers too,but still giving each other that space needed to become individualls,i used to wonder why dont i have a sister who is atleast nearer to my age,but then when i come across being with her,i feel special to have experienced motherhood so speacial ,so early...and i will treasure this feeling for years to come..and will keep loving her as the way i do today,even after 8 years of being with her..

I cant find a reason why life introduced you to me,but how did life know its U who i needed the most??I love u sweetheart...and didi will always be there for u whenever u need her..

Pain still lasts...n always will...

The pain still lasts,and always will....

It was a very usual day for me..morning college n then coming back n having a gr8 sleep..n not even bothering to look at the books....But by evening i realised that that day could have been the worst day of my life forever...It was 11th july 2006..a black day in the history of Mumbai...but indeed the darkest day of my life

The clock showed 6.30 pm..i called up dad as i usually used to to ask what do i make for you when u come back home to eat...the voice said.."u both eat..i will take time..will b back in an hour,right now in dadar"...and just about to finish this sentence...i heard..."BOOM"..As anyone could have thought in a simple way..."shayad the cellphone dropped down"..and i hung up..didnt pay heed to that voice that time

It was 7'o clock...mom called up from her office..."hey put on the tv..there's some serious problem..there have been serial blasts n...keep me updated..do u know anything about dad?did he call up ?"...and i knew then n there..the voice i didnt pay heed to..the voice that i believed would have been due to cellphone being dropped down...was nothing but the dreadful sound of a blast that may have killed my dad...i was repeating in my mind..."IT MAY HAVE,ITS NOT NECESSARY THAT IT COULD BE REALLY THE SAME THING THAT I WAS HOPING NOT TO BELIEVE"...but then i recollected the words my dad spoke.."right now in dadar"..and the earth below me just took a high...my heart just sank...i could do nothing but HOPE,that nothing could have been wrong,but he said he was in dadar..what if...????I was totally on phone for the next few hours..just HOPING n PRAYING n infinite number of times, tears rolling down my cheeks..with just an 8 year old sister at home with me..i could do nothing else...His phone wasnt reachable..my heart thumping with horror everytime i dialled his number..just wishing he was safe..n no one else recieved the call to give me any kind of a news..but just wanted to hear him once saying he is safe....

It was 9.30pm now,still i was shivering with no news with me..of my dad,of my mom..but was more worried for my dad coz I HEARD THAT DREADFUL SOUND WHEN THAT THING HAPPENED..9.45 pm..i saw the watch..still filled with fear..i heard my phone ringing..with some fear ,with some wish n loads of prayers..i recieved it.."yes,...ya...".The person on the other end was an NGO speaking.. "i am speaking from the Sion hospital,is this someone related to Vijay amin?...ya...ok so you are his daughter..please send someone here soon..ur dad is severely injured..he is serious.."i heard nothing but the word SERIOUS...and with a stone gulping sensation and my hand shivering so badly that i could even stand...i called up my mom..said her to go there with a heavy heart...but i couldn't just say that word..SERIOUS...After that communication,i was kept waiting for three days with just my small sister at home..no mom,no dad,neighbours being crowding at home to take care of us but with a bit of news from mom that dad is NOT serious

I would have cried n asked, prayed to GOD dont know how many times by that time,but with a satisfaction of he being safe,i had a sensation of well being after those dreadful 3 hrs...and smiled after a long time,feeling as it had been years of me smiling the last time...

No one can imagine the ordeal we went through,the ordeal we are going through,but as a family it has made us stronger and more bound together...

Today he's well,better than before,but still we as a family cant wash off those memories off our minds....but i feel thankful to god for giving him a second life...n today its been a year n want to say thank u god,for keeping us together, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD,I LOVE YOU

Some old memories..

Yesterday...by some work..i had to go to bhayander...the place from where i shifted nearly 6-7 years ago,the place where i spent my childhood...the place from where the real ME came out of myself..
A good noon spent there brought back all the old,sweet memories of me being grown up,between some people,some neighbours who became an inevitable part of my life...which i realised later...aftermoving out from that place.Finishing my work there...which was the main reason that took me there after a good long gap of i guess 2-3 years..i decided to just stroll around that place and also go to see my old school in which i studied for 9 years,just getting nostalgic and trying to refresh my school memories as a small girl,i neared my school...expecting to see everything changed ,i headed to the school gate...and was quite surprised to see one of my new school teachers there,trying to guard the tiny tots,whose school hours were over and were about to be picked by their parents,i decided to go and have a talk with her,she was surprised seeing me,and i was surprised to know that she hadnt at all forgotten me all these years,me being the first girl ever in her dance troupe who took away her job of choreographing and taught 70 girls at large to dance..and relieving her off her busy schedule in those school days...she was indeed happy to see me,as i was..and wehugging when i parted,said me that she didnt find any one after i left school as me who could make the school windance competions,i was truely obliged ofcourse...
After getting back the most eager thing i wanted to do was to even go around the place where i stayed for soo long..so moving around there...with an obvious thought that no one would even recognise me after all these years..asi was walking by,i saw a smile,across the lane,of a shopkeeper...he was the same one from whom i used to buy chocolates in my toddlerdays,greeting him with a same warming smile..i moved on...cause of some reason..i am not sure of....
This stroll got me back all my memories,all the games me n my friends used to play,coming back late at night after playing,the way my mom used to keep me out threatening to not to take me home if i came late,the way i skipped meals to be with my friends,me being called a scholar just for the reason that i used to play 24/7but still managed to get into top ranks(i am still wondering how?and why not now?),walking in muddy rainy lanes just for the sake of fun,celebrating festivals there,always being the scape goat in some or the other ways,always being the "referee" when my friends used to fight and make up two gangs.... There are many reasons to feel nostalgic about that decade i spent there,and all the memories,good or bad will be always treasured by me... realising the the biggest chunk of my life,spent there with nothing less than FUN ,a very good childhood,i left back to my home with a heavy heart..and heavy eyes to add up to my nostalgia..